Saturday, May 8, 2010

Wounded and Vulnerable

I learn new things everyday

I learn something very important recently. “Vulnerability to Allah is the best meditation”

My +ve thinking cikgu, cikgu Karim, as always, sends me emails of great articles or links to websites.  4 days ago I receive an email on “How to Release Negative Emotions & Beliefs”. It was a link to an audio, a form of meditation. Check it out :

Anyway, I tried it out. It does works, makes me feel calm and my negative energy was released. But in that moment, I was not quite sure whether there was any negative energy to begin with. Last night, there as a session on reflection, it was a good session and at the end of the day everyone does wins.

But we cannot deny that we make mistakes. Therefore to say a reflection is just to reflect the good attributes, it wouldn’t be call a reflection. It is normal that a feeling of self resentment and disappointment will arise in the one doing the reflection. In my opinion, self resentment, disappointment, anger, frustration and any form of negative vibrations need to be erased totally, and by totally I mean 100%. No matter how much we win at the end of the day, how can we make sure that the negative vibrations felt in the struggle to win will not rise again? Yes, we can say I promise to forget and just forget about it, this is the basic teaching and it does work.

But it was a test. Quite different from any other test I faced. My subconscious is trying to tell me something. “A message from Allah”. My subconscious tells me that this is not over yet, there was a tinge of negative vibration, a self resentment, that open doors for syaitan to whisper their lies. I was not sure how much of self resentment had taken effect; one thing for sure is that it was tiny but it makes me feel uneasy even though it was buried deep down below all the happiness of winning. The best analogy would be “The Princess and the Pea” story. I was quite used to all the positive vibrations, that a hidden negative vibration would be noticed so easily. But it does not bother me that much and I thought I will probably go away.

In the morning, I wake up and reflect again. Funny, I can still feel it. Before Mathurat, I try the meditative method I mention earlier since now I have a clear subject to work on. The first trial fails… and so was the second. I need to release this negative vibration, but how?

we need to become vulnerable...but only to Who will save us...

It was a message from Allah through my subconscious. I heard the word a lot of times before but I kept thinking about the true meaning of that word again. I check it out at to see the real definition of the word “vulnerable”.

1 : capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
2 : open to attack or damage : assailable 
3 : liable to increased penalties but entitled to increased bonuses after winning a game in contract bridge

What an interesting word, I thought to myself. The problem was I wasn’t being vulnerable. Being defensive for self defense and mind defense is one story, but being defensive towards ourselves is a different story. By being defensive we are not vulnerable. 
Not opening any doors to let ourselves become hurt by others. 

Being invulnerable is good. We should all be invulnerable towards negative vibrations. I always wanted to be so... When we are constantly closing doors to avoid weakness to enter, we will become stronger on the inside. But what if a weakness develops from the inside? It will find it difficult to get out since all the doors are closed.

So there is one exception in vulnerability. Being vulnerable to Allah. Only to Allah that when we open up, become vulnerable, become small, become weak, become hideous, become poor, become sick, become everything that we never want to become, equals to happiness.

Opening up to Allah is the best because we know Allah will never judge us wrongly; never hurt us back, never will, Allah try to wound us deliberately. So opening up to Allah was the safest way of being vulnerable.

I am vulnerable, only to Allah…

Allah, I am opening up to You, I have wounded myself by my own hand before You, do as You wish Allah… All that had happened was destiny that You had chosen for me and for all around me. I am opening up all doors in my spacious soul You have created purposely and I am capable right here, right now, to be hurt, become hurt. Only to You I let this wound bleed, I leave this wounded soul for You to do anything You wish Allah…

Anything Allah wish for me? What will Allah wish for those who had surrender to Him?

…an infinity of all thing that is good in life and the afterlife…

This is meditation…

Allah will never wound us if we open up, become vulnerable… in fact, Allah will heal the wounded soul… with that; the negative vibration finally finds its way out the open doors…

Leave it to Allah

Allah knows best

Thank you to all, for I had found the best way to release negative emotions and belief more effectively…more clearly... (^_^)

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