Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Let's talk about marriage...

I was reading the book on the power of the subconscious mind until I reached the chapter…. The subconscious mind and MARITAL PROBLEMS… “What the…” I thought… I’m not saying its farfetched for such a book to include on such a topic, but to think that the writer of the book would be so detail… I was like, okay…. I guess I this could be good…

What was even more interesting was that in the first paragraph, one of the eye-catching sentence was  “The best time to prevent divorce is before marriage” . I wasn’t anticipating a divorce of course, but in general the sentence could also mean, the best time to find the right person is before marriage. Well, duh…! (Some of you may think) that’s the whole point of finding a soul mate isn’t it? But to my surprise, what I’m about to read was not about how to FIND the right person but how to ATTRACT the right person. Even to a greater surprise was that in this chapter, there wasn’t any encouragement on the need to be pretty, to look sexy, to go on multiple dates, to try and get handphones numbers of cute guys and all those other things we usually see  people do these days.

Can you believe, here is a guy, who was not born a muslim, who is not a muslim himself, he actually thinks that love and marriage is not about finding and struggling to become wanted, it’s all about sitting down, being calm and just wait for the right person. Of course don’t forget the main attraction of the book, the power of the subconscious mind. Basically, the chapter explains how to attract the right person (and I don’t mean physically). The tip is simple; we need to think about the perfect person, the criteria that we want in them, NOT WHAT WE DON’T WANT. For example, my kind of guy would be:
  • Religious in all aspect of life
  • Positive thinker
  • Masculine and superior
  • Respectful and a true gentleman
  • Loving and caring
  • Intelligent and spontaneous
  • A leader, an extrovert
  • Faithful and romantic

 But sometimes people would think… my kind of guy is
  • Not lazy
  • Not too handsome
  • Not too demanding
  • Not an introvert
  • Not violent
  • And so many more “NOT”

Again, the Law of Attraction would attract whatever we focus on, even if we focus on something we don’t want. So we should not think about what we don’t want, but think about what we want instead.

Another major problem is that when we think about so many positive thing we want in a person we came to a diagnosis of exclusion, “no-such-man-exist-in-this-world”… well, if we kept thinking about that we would never attract such a person. I mean, if we think they don’t exist, obviously we fail to think that we can attract such a person; therefore we will not attract such a person. (Am I making you confuse?)

We are quite familiar with a verse from the holy Quran, the part where Allah promises that to every good man, they will be paired with a good woman, and to every bad man will be paired to a bad woman.

It’s only fair to think that a bad mind will produce a bad man and a good mind will produce a good man. A person is what he/she thinks. Therefore, it is true after all; all we need to have to gain everything good in life starts with having a healthy mind. A healthy mind equals to everything else healthy.

Another problem we usually face is when we know and we have a certain positive criteria in a person we want, but then we came to another diagnosis of exclusion, “I’m-not-worthy-of-such-a-person”… because of that, we would just forget about all those criteria we want again, and again and again, fail to produce the right attraction to attract the right person. *Sigh*…

Most of the time when we face this problem, the answer is simple, if we feel unworthy of such a person then start making ourselves worthy, right? That makes perfect sense! But no……….. some would PREFER not to make themselves worthy, and just continue to attract the wrong criteria. Think about it, sacrificing our future, marriage, adulthood, family, and children, just because of something we can actually chose to change now? Just one step, one step that could change everything! Doesn’t it sound sooo irresistible… seriously!

There is nothing to be ashamed of if we chose to change because we want a great life after marriage. I remember yesterday my friend told me a guy wearing a t-shirt with a picture of a bride, the word on the t-shirt was “game over”. That’s right, marriage does mean game over. No more fooling around, if something big like marriage can’t change us, what else could?

The problem with people these days is that some prefer to struggle too hard to get the right person. Trying to look pretty, sms-ing, exposing what should not be exposed, seducing, wooing and whatever they can think of. When they thought they had found the right person, it turns out he/she does not fit the criteria, then they started to complain and try to change them. That is a lot of hard work when all we need to do was to just let it go, become the right person and let Allah bring the right person to us! 

Another problem, (hey, that’s a lot of problems eh?) is that we fail to think Allah, Almighty, to have an unimaginable power. I remember an article that said, never think Allah’s as the same with us. We think that it’s impossible that the perfect person exist, because of that we fail to want to attract the perfect person. Just because we think we seen enough men and women, we think it’s impossible that a perfect man can just be mold by Allah to fit to our criteria. Wake up! Allah is Almighty! NEVER UNDERESTIME HIS POWER! Allah can do ANYTHING! ANYTHING I told ya! 

Starts believing in Allah, Allah never left us! BELIEVE in ALLAH’S POWER! Even if we fail to believe, we are still bounded by its power. So go on being unworthy and attracting the wrong criteria’s, that is exactly what will be attracted, it had already been said in the Quran… 

Choose to become worthy, choose to become great, choose to change and experience a great life onwards…

So if someone asked me, “do I have someone in mind?” I would reply “definitely!”

p/s:since there was so many problems, I would like to address them again
  1.  Thinking and attracting the criteria we don’t want in a life partner
  2. Thinking that no such person exist
  3.  Thinking of unworthiness  and not doing anything about it
  4.  Thinking that Allah cannot mold the right person for us/not believing in Allah’s power

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